Amarillo Sam's Drive-In Round Up
Sunday, August 2nd, 1981
Sam’s Mail Sack
Dear Mr. Sam,
I saw you scoping out those hot bods as a judge of the Wet T-shirt Contest at Alvin’s the other night and I just have to ask: how does a guy get a job like the one you got? I mean, you get to meet a lot of chicks, watch some sweet flicks, and tell us about it all in the paper every week. I also see that you’re one of the judges in the Chili contest next week. FREE CHILI! Seriously, guy -- How do I sign up?
For the most part, you’re right, brother. On the surface, it might seem like I got it all. And in most cases you’d be right. Take, for instance, that kid who works all day at the Fotomat in the parking lot of the Sinkwood Mall. Is my job better than his? Well, my job certainly doesn’t involve sitting in a six-by-six camera-shaped box all day long with no air conditioning and constantly worrying some biker gang will chain my office up to one of their rigs and dump me in the river. So, yes, I’d have to say my job is better than his.
But before you come on down to the Sinkwood Times and start filling out your tax forms, let me tell you: it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
Take, for instance, what happened to me Friday night after the Wet T-shirt Contest when I went on back to my trailer at the Lazy Acres Trailer Park and Juanita Tubbs was there to greet me. She had decided to go on quite the bender in Pioneertown but had cut her trip short when some big mouth blabbed to her that a bunch of teenage nymphos were asking me to contrast the varying degrees at which their mammary glands respond to cold water. You try telling a five-time MIss Schlitz Bar Fight Champ that kind of thing’s just a part of the job, and then let me know if you still want those press credentials.
And as for judging the chili contest, well: I was only asked to do it after last year’s Times judge, Home & Style Editor Brenda Jay Jenkins, spent three days in Sinkwood memorial sitting on the can while she waited for them to fly in a specialist from Guatemala. Rather than envying me, Billy, maybe you should pray for me.