Dear Mayor McKenzie,
I am not normally the kind of person to write a letter of civic critique to my mayor or representative; however, I must -- as a mother -- express my outrage at the senseless and gratuitous smut you have allowed to infect Sinkwood’s children at Mr. Paradise’s drive in cinema. This Friday past, I believed my sweet, precious son, Daniel, to be at the overnight lock-in at Saint Vigor’s. However, when I spoke to Father Jake Mahoney the next day, he said he had not seen Daniel since Sunday services. I confronted the boy, who admitted he had skipped scripture reading in favor of seeing the film “The Last House on the Left”.
OH MAYOR McKENZIE! If you could just hear some of the things that have been coming out of his filthy mouth this week. Just this morning, I caught him yelling at his sister -- his 6 year old sister! -- to “piss her pants” when she refused to give him the remote control.
Please, I beg you: tell Mr. Paradise his smut is not welcome in this town. If you do not, I assure you, my ladies in the garden club and I will remember in October.
Yours in Him,