"Ladies and gentlemen, rock and roll."

"Ladies and gentlemen, rock and roll."

Monday, July 3, 2017

Mayor McKenzie's To-Do List - July 3rd


I hope you had a good vacation at the beach. Next time you decide to get a tan, don’t do it the week before July 4th. There is simply too much to do.

By the time you read this, I will be away myself, pretending to enjoy two days at the lake with Misses McKenzie, who insists I work too much to make the town of Sinkwood a pleasant place to live, and that, as she puts it, “even God took a day to rest, dear.”

Cathy, there is simply no other way to put it: July 4th, is the biggest day of the year, and it may very well be our swan song. Its success (or god forbid, failure) will be the last chance we have to cement our relationship with the voters. In hasty order, I need you to do the following:

  1. Call and confirm with Deputy Chief Haygood that a city Fire Truck is set to show at Alvin’s Drive-In Safari Saturday at 9 pm SHARP to supervise the fireworks display.
  2. Take the gift basket on my desk (the one with the girlie magazines, six pack of Coors, Twizzlers, and bar of soap) and get in your car.
  3. Stop by Big Earle’s Spirits and pick up a bottle of Cutty Sark and a box of Dutch Masters.
  4. Deliver the Cutty Sark to Chief Haygood at the firestation. This will serve as a double and TRIPLE confirmation of the fire department’s involvement in Saturday night’s festivities.
  5. Go to the Safari Drive-In and drop off the gift basket for Alvin. That weird kid Ding Stiltz will probably be there but DO NOT drop the basket off with him. That kid could muck up snow in Alaska. Therefore, WAIT FOR ALVIN to arrive and give it to him personally. Tell him it’s compliments of the mayor.
  6. Go to Reggie Lynnstock’s house and give him the Dutch Masters. Also: tell him ‘Queen Mother to show in the 4th’. If he asks what the hell you’re talking about, tell him the Mayor knows a few jockeys himself. We need our boys to win at Hornfoot field Saturday, goddammit -- so our coach needs to be in a good mood.

I appreciate everything you do, Cathy. If Misses McKenzie hadn’t tied me down a long time ago when she got pregnant with Lori, we’d be together today -- and we’d own this town!!!


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